Written by: Kat
Disclaimer: The characters and their stories belong to Bright, Kaufman, and Crane and NBC and Warner Brothers. I mean no infringement and make no profit.
(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Monica and Chandler are watching a movie, and drinking wine)
CHAN: Hey, this line's really good.
MON: Which one?
CHAN: The one that she just said.
MON: Well, I didn't hear it.
CHAN: That's cos you said "Which one?".
MON: Well, that' s only cos you said-
(Caitlin starts crying)
MON: Great.
(She turns off the video)
CHAN: Hey! Just cos you're going, can't I watch it? (off Monica's glare) I mean, take your time. I'll get you some more wine.
(He smiles until she disappears, and then he pokes his tongue out at her)
(Ross enters)
ROSS: Hey.
CHAN: Hey, man.
ROSS: Is Mon here?
CHAN: Yeah, she's with Caitlin. Go on through. Unless she's feeding her.
ROSS: Ew! (he raises his voice) Mon?
MON(from Caitlin's room): Oh hey!
ROSS: Are you feeding Caitlin?
MON: No, I'm just changing her.
ROSS: Okay. (to Chandler) I gotta talk to her. It seems Emily wants to leave sooner.
CHAN: Like when?
ROSS: Like on Friday.
CHAN: Is today Wednesday?
ROSS: Yep.
CHAN: Okay. So long as I know. So you leave in like two days?
ROSS: Yeah.
CHAN: Okay. Right. Like I said, so long as I know.
(Monica comes out of Caitlin's room, with Caitlin in her arms)
MON: Know what?
CHAN: That, uh, Fraiser's not on tonight. Bummer, huh?
OPENING CREDITS
(SCENE: Central Perk, the next day. Rachel is sitting with Phoebe)
PHOE: So, anyway, I'm just saying that I'd be a better vampire slayer than Buffy!
RACH(confused): What?
PHOE: Well, she always wears a skirt y'know?
RACH: No. You've totally lost me.
(Ross enters)
ROSS: Hey. Uh, Phoebs, can I talk to Rachel alone, please?
PHOE: Uh, sure. Bye. Rachel, I'll tell you later how I think Bill Gates really got that rich.
RACH: Sure. Bye.
PHOE: Bye.
(Phoebe leaves, and Ross sits down next to Rachel)
ROSS: Hey.
RACH: Hi.
ROSS: Um, I thought maybe we should talk.
RACH: What about?
ROSS: You know what. Look, me and Emily, we, uh, we leave tomorrow night.
RACH: Tomorrow? I thought you didn't go for a week.
ROSS: Well, Em's dad is really sick. She just wants to be with him.
RACH: Okay, I understand. Whatever.
ROSS: I know this is really hard for you. It's hard for me too, believe me. I'm gonna miss you so much-
RACH: Don't, Ross, okay? Just don't go down road, please.
ROSS: It's just, we've been through a lot, and I didn't mean for you to get hurt through all this, you know?
RACH: I know. Just let's leave well alone.
ROSS: Okay. I gotta go. Emily wants to go shopping. She's waiting outside.
RACH: Why didnt she come in?
ROSS: She felt uncomfortable.
RACH: Good. She should.
ROSS: I'll see ya later.
RACH: Yeah. Except, soon, there won't be any later, will there?
ROSS: I'll keep in touch.
RACH(with a small laugh): You better. Bye.
ROSS: Bye.
(He leaves)
RACH: You better, Ross. I'm gonna miss you.
(SCENE: Ross & Joey's. Ross and Emily are packing in the living and Joey is watching, upset)
JOEY: Do you have to?
ROSS: Yes, Jo, we have to.
JOEY: But-
EMLY: Sorry, Joey.
JOEY: I wanted to keep the computer!
ROSS: Well, you can't. Sorry, but I need it.
(Joey frowns, when Phoebe enters with a box)
PHOE: Hi! I just thought I'd bring you a leaving present.
(She hands the box to Ross)
ROSS: Wow, thanks Phoebs! And right on time, too!
EMLY: That's really kind of you.
PHOE(awkward): Yeah, whatever. Uh huh.
(Ross opens it and pulls out a crystal ball)
ROSS: Thanks! I've needed a paperweight for ages!
PHOE: It's not a paperweight. It's a crystal ball.
ROSS: Like what witches use?
PHOE: No. It's for luck, and also, wherever you receive them, you have to stay there, like, forever.
EMLY: It's lovely, Phoebe. Really thoughtful. I love it.
PHOE: It's not for you. (Ross looks surprised) I mean, I mostly bought it with Ross in mind, thats all.
(She looks at Ross awkwardly, and mouths a "sorry")
ROSS: You see, Phoebe, we're actually leaving tonight
PHOE: Already?
ROSS: Uh huh.
PHOE: Oh. I knew something like this was gonna happen. My hair went all floopy this morning.
EMLY: Um, would anyone like a drink?
ROSS: Do we have any scotch?
EMLY: You don't drink scotch. Are you okay?
ROSS: Yeah, I'm fine. I just, I gotta talk to Monica, and Carol. So, I better go.
PHOE: I'll drive you to Carol's, if you want.
ROSS: No, that's okay. But I have to go now.
EMLY: Okay, bye.
PHOE: Me too.
JOEY: Bye, Phoebs!
PHOE: Bye, Joey! (unenthusiastic) Bye, Emily.
(They leave)
(There's an awkward silence, and Emily packs through this, with Joey watching her)
JOEY: So, Emily, what do you like?
EMLY: Pardon me?
JOEY: What do you like? Do you like sex with strange men?
EMLY(insulted): What?!
JOEY: Sorry. Just trying to fill the silence.
(SCENE: Carol and Susan's. Ross has just been let in by Susan)
SUSAN: Hello, Ross.
ROSS: Uh huh. Is Carol here?
SUSAN: Sure. (raises voice) Carol, Dino-boy's here!
(Carol emerges, with Ben)
CAROL: What? Oh, hey Ross.
ROSS: Hi. Look, I've got some news. Can we please talk alone?
CAROL: Sure. Um, Susan, can you take Ben up the park?
SUSAN: Okay. (she picks up Ben) Come on Ben! I'll buy you an ice cream.
(She leaves, and Ross and Carol sit down)
CAROL: What's wrong?
ROSS: Well, I'm back with Emily.
CAROL: That's nice. Why are you telling me?
ROSS: I'm moving to London for 6 months.
CAROL: That's not funny.
ROSS: It's not supposed to be.
CAROL: Oh. What about Ben?
ROSS: That's why I'm here.
CAROL: He's staying here, Ross.
ROSS: I know. But I'm gonna write. And phone.
CAROL: He's your son! Not a complication. C'mon, you're gonna give your friends better than a phone call! Why should you traumatise Ben so you can go do it with your girlfriend?
ROSS: Well, you're one to talk!
CAROL: Oh right, play the lesbian card. That's very mature, Ross.
ROSS: Sorry. Just tell Ben that daddy had to go on a trip, but he'll be back before he knows it, and he'll bring sweets.
CAROL: Whatever. If you're gonna run out of him, then-
ROSS: I'm not running out on him! I'm doing what's best for Emily.
CAROL: What about what's best for Ben?
ROSS: I gotta go. Tell my son I love him.
CAROL: Okay. Sure.
ROSS: Bye.
(There's no response from Carol, so he just leaves)
(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Monica is playing with Caitlin, and Chandler is eating a sandwich.)
(Ross enters)
MON: Hey. How come you're here?
ROSS: We need to talk about me leaving.
MON: Oh, okay. When you goin again?
ROSS: Tonight.
MON: That's not what you said before.
ROSS: Well, we've had a change of plan. I just guessed Chandler would've told you.
(At this point, Chandler starts choking on his sandwich)
CHAN(still choking): Thanks, man.
MON(getting up, to Chandler): You knew about this?
CHAN: I'm choking here!
MON: You knew he was leaving tonight?
CHAN: I'm choking!
(Monica slaps him hard on the back, and a piece of sandwich goes flying)
MON: You knew?
CHAN: Only this morning. It's not my fault Ross lands all his problems on me. And I was gonna tell you, but you went to the store, and then you got a manicure and you were busy with Caitlin! And, and you went to the church to postpone the wedding! So, I tried. I really did.
MON: Okay, okay. I forgive you.
ROSS: Wait, you postponed the wedding?
MON: Yeah, we're gonna wait awhile. It's already May, and we have nothing done, so we're gonna wait till October. You'll be back then, right?
ROSS: Uh, I should be.