THE ONE WITH CHANDLER & MONICA'S WEDDING- PART ONE
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (Monica & Rachel are present. Monica is emerging from the bathroom, having just showered. Rachel is sitting on the couch)
Monica: It's so nice not having Chandler here. I can walk around in my towel without worrying that he'll jump my bones.
Rachel: How often has he done that?
Monica: Actually he never has. I jumped him.
Rachel: What did he do?
Monica: He ran like a little girl.
Rachel: Sounds like Chandler.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (Continuation from before)
Rachel: I can't believe you're getting married tomorrow.
Monica: I know, I am so excited. I've dreamed about this day since I was a little girl.
Rachel: As a little girl I didn't know that I would run out on my own wedding. With the way my love life is going, I'll never get married.
Monica: You'll get married someday. Heck, if you're not married by 40, Ross said he'd marry you.
Rachel: Thanks Mon, that's just what I need to hear. I can be someone's consolation prize. And better yet, it has to be an ex-boyfriend/husband.
Monica: It could happen. Like Ross will ever marry again. He's already had three failed marriages.
Rachel: As I recall, I was part of failed marriage #3.
Monica: Well you never know, love can be tricky.
Rachel: Hi Pheebs. Monica, what's that supposed to mean?
Phoebe: What's what supposed to mean?
Rachel: Monica and I were talking about marriage and she said love can be tricky, but she said it with a double meaning.
Phoebe: Of course love can be tricky. Sometimes you don't even know when you're still in love someone. Love can be right before your eyes, but you always seem to look the other way.
Monica: Thank you Phoebe. That was exactly my point.
Rachel: And what is that supposed to mean?
Monica: Maybe you're already in love with someone and don't know it.
Rachel: Well I think I would know if I had feelings for someone, thank you very much.
JOEY'S APARTMENT (Joey, Ross & Chandler are sitting at the kitchen counter, looking very hungover)
Chandler: Man that was some bachelor party, that stripper totally ruled. God damn, my head hurts.
Joey: Which one?
Ross: I can still taste the tequila in my mouth.
Joey: That's because you spent the last hour and a half throwing up. By the way, you're cleaning my bathroom.
Ross: You haven't cleaned that bathroom since you moved in.
Joey: Well you gotta start sometime.
Chandler: Could you guys keep it down, there's a hangover in progress here.
Ross: Chandler, do you remember what I told you to do tomorrow?
Chandler: Yes. Her name is Monica, not Janice.
Ross: And what do you say?
Chandler: I Chandler, take thee MONICA, to be my wife.
Joey: I think he's got it.
Chandler: Like it's so hard to remember your fiancée's name. (Ross glares at Chandler) I could see why it was difficult for you, you only knew Emily for six weeks.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (Rachel, Phoebe and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table)
Monica: Rach, were you scared the day before you're wedding?
Rachel: Are you scared?
Monica: A little.
Rachel: I was terrified. But that's only because I knew I didn't love Barry.
Phoebe: What about your second wedding Rach? You know, the one with Ross.
Rachel: That was hardly a wedding Pheebs. We were both drunk and acting crazy. Anyway, Mon, you love Chandler and you'll do fine.
Monica: I know. It's just that marriage is supposed to be forever and that's what I want. I don't want Chandler to ever leave me.
Rachel: Well unless Chandler is gay like his father, he's not going anywhere. He is totally in love with you.
Phoebe: It so nice to have two sets of friends who are in love with each other. (Monica and Rachel both look at Phoebe)
Rachel: Who is the other set?
Phoebe: If you don't know, then I can't help you.
Rachel: What's that supposed to mean?
Phoebe: Just that, if you don't know, then I can't help you.
Monica: Don't ask me, I have no idea what she's talking about.
Rachel: Pheebs are you bringing Michael to the wedding?
Phoebe: Of course, he's my boyfriend. Are you bringing anyone Mon? (Monica just looks at Phoebe). Oh right, you're bringing Chandler.
Monica: Are you bringing anyone Rach?
Rachel: No, I couldn't find anyone.
JOEY'S APARTMENT (Chandler, Ross and Joey still haven't moved)
Ross: Joey, are you bringing Jenna to the wedding?
Joey: Oh yeah. Are you bringing anyone?
Ross: No, she couldn't come. I guess I'll be the only one without a date to the wedding.
Chandler: I don't think Rachel has a date either, you could be her date.
Ross: I don't think that's a good idea.
Joey: Why not? It's not like you're asking to get back together with her.
Chandler: Yeah, unless that's what you want.
Ross: No that's not what I want.
Chandler: Then you'll ask her?
Ross: Sure, why not.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are now sitting on the couch)
Monica: Rach, I don't think Ross is going with anyone to the wedding, why don't you ask him to be your date?
Rachel: I don't think that's a good idea.
Phoebe: Why not?
Rachel: It would be weird, given our history.
Monica: You've already been married to him, it's not like that's going to happen again.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's just lining up a dancing partner for the wedding reception. I say you ask him.
Rachel: Sure, why not. We're friends now. All that stuff is in the past. I'm gonna go to Joey's and ask him. (Rachel gets up and leaves).
HALLWAY (Rachel is emerging from Chandler & Monica's as Ross emerges from Joey's)
Rachel: Hey, I was just coming to talk to you.
Ross: Not so loud, I'm hungover. I was just coming to talk to you.
Rachel: You first.
Ross: No, you go.
Rachel: Fine. Um, I was wondering, ah, if you would be my date to the wedding tomorrow?
Ross: Hmm, I was going to ask you the same thing. Actually, since you're the Maid of Honor and I'm the Best Man, we're already partners.
Rachel: Yeah, I forgot about that. But we're dancing partners at the reception, right?
Rachel: Great, well I'll see you later. (Rachel hugs Ross and goes back into Chandler & Monica's apartment).
Ross (to himself): That wasnt so hard.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S APARTMENT
Rachel: Well I did it, Ross is my date.
Monica: See that wasn't so hard now was it.
Rachel: No, he had the same idea actually.
Phoebe (under her breath): Love strikes again.
Rachel: What did ya say Pheebs?
Phoebe: Nothing, I just said that's great.
Ross: Well Rachel is my date.
Chandler: See, I told you it'd be easy.
Joey: Rachel is easy?
Ross: Joey! (Ross glares at Joey)
Joey: What? (Ross is still glaring at Joey) Oh, I'm sorry, I misunderstood.
CENTRAL PERK (Everyone is present)
Monica: Chandler, this is the last time we'll be here as single people.
Chandler: Don't remind me. (Monica hits Chandler on the arm) Geez, I was just kidding.
Monica: I'm sorry, I love you.
Phoebe: Would you guys save the lovey dovey stuff for your honeymoon.
Joey: They should just stay here for their honeymoon, it's not like they're going to be leaving their hotel room.
Monica: We will be leaving our hotel room, we have to eat you know.
Chandler: Of course we could always order room service.
Ross: What time is you're flight to Hawaii tomorrow?
Monica: 9 pm, three hours after the reception ends.
Rachel: And you're gone for a week?
Monica: No Rachel, you can't stay at our apartment for the week.
Rachel: Why not?
Monica: Because you're messy.
Rachel: I'm messy, you live with Chandler's mess.
Monica: That's different. I love Chandler.
Rachel: You don't love me?
Monica: Of course I love you, but I don't have sex with you.
Joey: That's too bad. I always thought you two would hook up. (Everyone stares at Joey).
Chandler: Actually I had the same dream, except I was there too.
Ross: I have had that dream, except instead of Monica and Rachel, it's Phoebe and Rachel.
Rachel: All right, enough with the threesome fantasies.
Phoebe (to Ross): I had the same dream too. Wanna make it real? (Ross looks at her shocked). Gotcha.
CHURCH (Next day, Ross and Joey are waiting with Chandler at the front of Church by the altar. Rachel and Phoebe are in the back of the Church with a nervous Monica.)
Ross: Remember, her name is Monica.
Chandler: Would you please stop it with that, only a moron would say the wrong name at a wedding.
Chandler: I'm sorry man, I'm just extremely nervous. I can't believe you've done this three times.
Ross: Well actually, I really only remember doing it twice. The third time I have no recollection of.
Joey: And that was the wedding you really wanted to work out.
Ross: I did not.
Joey: Please, if you could have stayed married to Rachel, you would have.
Ross: That's so not true.
Chandler: Can we save this argument until after the wedding?
(Cut to the back of the Church)
Rachel: How are doing there Mon?
Monica: I think I am gonna be sick.
Phoebe: Are you pregnant? (Monica shoots Phoebe a look)
Monica: No. I'm just very nervous.
Phoebe: Relax. When I got married, I was totally relaxed.
Rachel: Pheebs, you've never been married.
Phoebe: I was married to Duncan.
Monica: You were relaxed because you thought he was gay.
(Woman walks in)
Woman: Are you ready dear? It's time.
Monica: I'm ready. (Rachel and Phoebe hug Monica.)
Rachel: I love you Mon.
Phoebe: Everything's going to be great. Chandler's lucky to have you.
(Cut to the front of the Church, Chandler is waiting for Monica, Ross and Joey have moved to the back of the Church to escort Rachel and Phoebe down the aisle. Pachabel's Canon in D starts playing and the procession begins. Joey and Phoebe are first, followed by Ross and Rachel. The Bridal Chorus starts and the congregation rises, Monica is escorted down the aisle by her father. Monica is already crying.)
Mr. Geller (to Chandler): Take good care of my little harmonica.
Chandler: Yes sir.
Mr. Geller: Call me dad.
Chandler: Yes dad.
(Chandler and Monica turn to face the Minister. Ross and Joey are next to Chandler on the right side and Rachel and Phoebe are next to Monica on the left side.)
Minister: We are gathered here today to join Monica Geller and Chandler Bong
Minister: Monica Geller and Chandler Bing in matrimony. If there is anyone here who has any reason why these two shouldn't wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. (Pause) Then we shall proceed. Monica, repeat after me. I, Monica, take thee Chandler to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Monica: I, Monica, take thee Chandler to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Minister: Now, Chandler, repeat after me. I, Chandler, take thee Monica to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Chandler: I, Chandler, take thee Monica to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Minister: By the powers invested in me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride. (Chandler kisses Monica, and they get a little too into it.)
Chandler (breaking the kiss) Sorry, got a little carried away.
Minister: Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Mr. & Mrs. Bong.
Minister: Mr. & Mrs. Bing. (the congregation claps as Monica and Chandler walk down the aisle followed by Ross and Rachel and Joey and Phoebe).
Rachel (walking down the aisle with Ross): That was a quick wedding.
Ross: I know, even our shotgun wedding took longer than that. (Rachel laughs)
Rachel: Let's just hope their marriage lasts longer than ours. (Ross and Rachel reach the back of the church, now they are just standing there talking).
Ross: You look really nice in that dress by the way.
Rachel: Thanks Ross. That's very sweet of you. You look nice in that tux too.
Ross: Don't I?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe you can wear it at our wedding.
Ross (shocked): What did you just say?
Rachel: I said you could wear that tux at our wedding.
Ross: You want to marry me?
Rachel (realizing that she has freaked Ross out): No, no. I meant that if we're both 40 and single, we'd get married. Remember you're my backup.
Ross (relieved): Oh, yeah that's right.
Rachel: You thought I wanted to marry you right now.
Ross: No I didn't.
Rachel: You totally did.
Ross: Alright, you spooked me a little bit. I mean, we're not even dating.
Rachel (looking down at her shoes, shyly): I know. How crazy would it be to get married without even dating?
Ross: We've already done it once. (pause) Of course there was a lot alcohol involved.
Joey: Hey, quick wedding huh?
Joey: When do we get to eat?
Rachel: You have to wait until the reception.
Joey: But I'm hungry now.
(Jenna, Joey's girlfriend of the moment approaches with food in hand)
Jenna: Joey, I found these chips in my car.
Joey: Isn't she the best. (gives Jenna a hug and a kiss.)
(Phoebe joins the crowd)
Phoebe: Man that was a quick wedding. Where are Monica and Chandler?
Rachel: I dunno.
(Chandler and Monica emerge from a confessional booth, looking haggard).
Ross: You guys couldn't wait could you.
Chandler: What? I was just helping Monica with her dress.
Rachel: Yeah, taking it off.
Chandler: Actually, you don't have to take it off.
Chandler: Well you don't.
TO BE CONTINUED