The One With Friends?
This is the conclusion to my story! It's probably going to be my last script, unless I get another really good idea for a story (which I really doubt it). Sorry I took so long to complete it but I wanted it to be really good. I hope you like it! I would like to thank again the people who wrote back to me. The most rewarding part was receiving all your praises! Thank you very much guys and gals. And who knows, maybe eventually something will come into this head of mine and Ill share it with you. I would like to thank a guy in particular! We kept close contact throughout all this time, and he always sent me his opinion on all my scripts. Thanks a lot James!
Oh My God! I sound like I've won an Oscar or something. Ew! Gross!!!
Also sorry about the length of the script but since I delayed it so much I thought that I should write something extra good! At least I tried to! Youll be the judge of that.
Anyway enough with my babbling, and on with the story!
By: Alex Tsagalidis
NOTE: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane
[ Monica & Rachel's. The whole gang is there, except Monica & Chandler. Chandler then, enters the apartment.]
CHAN: Guys have you seen Monica? I need to talk to her!
[The gang looks back at him a bit uncomfortable.]
ALL: Err I Uh Err
CHAN: [Sarcastically] Hey look! It's the choir of St. Michael's Church!!! Sorry I missed the communion today, but you didn't have to come all the way here! Look guys I HAVE to talk to her! It's really important!!!
[The door from Monica's bedroom opens and Monica comes out in a white robe!]
MON: [sleepily] Morning all!!
ALL: Morning Mon!
CHAN: Morning Mon! Listen I kinda need to
[And there's Richard, coming out from Monica's bedroom, also in a white bath robe]
RICH: Morning all!!
[Chandler is looking at him in shock!!]
[Same place as before. Chandler is still looking shocked.]
ALL: [except Chandler] Morning Richard!!!
[Richard leans and kisses Monica]
RICH: Good morning to you too darling.
[Monica smiles dreamily. Chandler now has a look of disbelief and complete disappointment.]
MON: [Notices Chandler - indifferently] Oh! Morning Chandler!
CHAN: [with the same look in his face] I I can't believe this!!
[Richard goes to the bathroom]
CHAN: [turning to Monica with tears in his eyes] I Why Just
MON: [interrupting] Oh Chandler Don't make a scene!
CHAN: [Really softly] How How could you do this?
MON: Hey It was your idea! And besides the weather forecast for today was very good, sunny and all and I thought, "well maybe I should make lasagna ". But then I realised that my visa bill was huge, so I decided that I should run for President!
CHAN: [Looking very weird at her] What???!!!???
MON: [starts to make an annoying sound] Brriiing!!!! Brriiing!!!
[Cut to Chandler's bedroom! Chandler wakes up and jumps up from his bed and screams in horror. The alarm clock is buzzing like hell!!]
CHAN: [He realizes what happened. He starts shouting at the alarm clock] All RIGHT!!! I get the point!!!!! [He hits the alarm clock, which falls and breaks to pieces!]
JOEY: [storming in, holding Hugsy, his stuffed penguin pal, as a weapon.] WHAT!? WHAT!?
CHAN: [Startled by Joey's entrance] I It's just
[Joey notices the broken alarm clock and swings his arms open in a "what the hell are you doing?" move]
CHAN: [defendently] Well It started it!!!! [pointing at the alarm clock]
[ Cut to Monica & Rachel's. Monica and Rachel are there making preparations for the party.]
RACH: Now honey are you sure about this? I mean When I was in love with Ross, I told him how I felt, even though at the time he was in love with Emily, and even though at the end I made a complete fool of myself!!! But I couldn't let another day pass without me telling him how I felt!!! You've got to tell him!
MON: Look Rache I understand what you mean but if he really loves me, then he should at least make an effort of convincing me! Otherwise it'd just mean that he confused love with just caring for a friend! It's just as you said! You told him how you felt because you couldn't let another day pass! So
RACH: So you're going to leave it up to him??
MON: Well yeah! I mean I already told him how I felt about the whole thing.
RACH: Mon! Unless Chandler is an extremely powerful telepath which I'm sure he's not, he doesn't know how you feel about it. That's why he let you think about it!! He wanted you to be certain of how you feel!
MON: But I already told him that I wanted to be with him!
RACHE: Don't you see you're both making the same mistake, and you're going to ruin it in the end! [Monica seems to be considering all this.] Mon honey. You've got to talk to him and tell him that you love him! He DOES love you At least that's what he kept writing all day yesterday to a poor 13 year old kid, who made the mistake of talking to him on the FRIENDS chat-room (He, He pretty surreal isnt it? ) I think that at one point the kid actually wrote to him "Stop writing to me!!! Please!!!!"
MON: [She seems touched] Really oh that's so sweet [but then in a firm voice] No! I made up my mind! And now you've got to promise that you won't talk to him about this. All the others have , so you should too.
RACH: [put down] Oh Ok! I promise!
MON: Good Now promise again and this time without your fingers crossed! [Rachel makes a "damn it" face]
[ Cut to Chandler & Joey's. Chandler and Joey are there talking]
CHAN: and then she started making a ringing sound, and that's when I woke up and you stormed in to my rescue!
JOEY: Oh my God! That's a terrible dream!!!
CHAN: [sarcastically] You think??
JOEY: I mean she was actually ringing?
CHAN: That's what bothered you?? The fact that she picked Richard is the most disturbing one!!!
JOEY: Oh yeah, of course! That too.
CHAN: I also saw another dream, which was really creepy! I was happily married, but I wasn't married to Monica! I was married to a faceless woman! I haven't figured out what it means yet!!
JOEY: [With a horrified look] Aarg What's the matter with you man?? Are you psychotic or somethin'?? What kind of person has dreams with faceless chicks??
CHAN: I'm going to lose her! I know it! These dreams mean sth!
JOEY: You're not going to lose her! If anything, they mean that you should talk to her! You should definitely talk to her!!!!
CHAN: [curious] How do you get that?
JOEY: [confused] Err well I don't know But that's what you should do!!
CHAN: Look Joe!!! I said that I'm going to let her decide on her own! Without any interference!
JOEY: [angrily] Alright! That's it!! Sorry man I can't let you do this! [thinking] Either you go tell Monica how you feel or I'll go and make a move on her!
CHAN: [shocked] WHAT??!!
JOEY: [sarcastically] Yeah!! I figure if she has to choose someone, why choose from 2 guys! She should have more options, right!!! I mean a girl like her
CHAN: Oh my God You Wouldn't!!
JOEY: Oh I so would! If that's what it takes to wake you up, [dramatically] SO HELP ME GOD I'LL DO IT!!!!
CHAN: No! Joey I forbid you! Look please don't talk to her, about me about you, about anyone! Please!
JOEY: [hesitantly] Oh Ok But please man! I don't know how much I can hold this promise! It's important that you talk to her!
CHAN: What do you mean?
JOEY: Look I Just go talk to her for God's sake! Don't ruin the best thing that ever happened to you!! [Thinks a bit, then turns to Chandler evilly] otherwise that faceless chick will come aknocking, and your door you will be locking! [considers what he said- happily] Hey [smiles proudly with the rhyme he just made]
[Cut to Central Perk. Phoebe is there playing her guitar on the couch. Ross enters!]
ROSS: Hey Phoebs!
PHOE: Oh ,Ross!!! Hi! Come here quick, before I lose it!
ROSS: Lose what? [goes and sits beside her on the couch.]
PHOE: Ok pay close attention. [She starts singing whilst playing her guitar. She's singing to the tune of "Yesterday" by the Beatles.]
Monica Chandler loves you more than Celica**
And he wishes he could buy you one
Monica rhymes with Hanukah(??)
Tell him "I love you, you love me and I love you
and one day we'll take a trip on a Celica a a a "
Monica! [And she finishes the song by banging on the same chords over and over again until she stops.]
**(one of Toyota's models - a car for those not familiar with the company)
PHOE:[To Ross , with a huge smile] So ? What do you think?
[we see Ross is staring at her with a fake smile]
ROSS: Great work Phoebs! But doesn't it remind you of another classic song?
PHOE: [With a shocked look] Are you accusing me of stealing another man's work?
ROSS: [At a loss for words] I no it's just well it's probably just me!
PHOE: No No I did it . But only because he stole it first! I came up with this tune first, during the 1940s, while I was on the way to the Land of Fire (Tierra del Fuego)
[Ross looks really confused] Dont be so confused Ross I traveled a lot in my days.
ROSS: [Sarcastically] Oh That explains it all!
[Monica and Rachels. Rachel is there doing the dishes No! Im messing with you. Shes doing a crossword. Joey enters.]
RACH: Hi Joey!
JOEY: Wheres Monica?
RACH: Well I think that she went to Richards place.
RACH: She went to Richard, to tell him that she cant go back to him.
JOEY: Oh! Ok then! But Rache I cant hold that promise she made me take, anymore! I mean I was that close to telling him everything, but then I remembered my high school teacher and I controlled myself! [Rachel seems confused]
RACH: Is she something like Yoda [Joey looks at her unsure of what she means] you know [imitates a strange voice] "The force Luke, use the force." [she laughs]
JOEY: [Really confused]What?
RACH: Forget it!
JOEY: [angrily] No! Thats it! Im sick of you guys! Every time you say something that I dont understand, you always say forget it! I mean you should try to explain to me what you mean, otherwise I will never learn! And now that Im with Annette I dont want to always be on the dark!
RACH: [Ashamed] Joey Im so sorry! I dont know what to say. I mean I didnt know you felt this way! I Im sorry!
JOEY: [softly] Eh Thats ok! Never mind!
RACH: Ok Look, what I meant was that, when you said that you remembered your teacher and that it helped you control yourself to not reveal to Chandler that Monica loved him, as you didnt explain to me how that helped you achieve control over yourself, I joked about the fact that she might have helped you telepathically, just as Yoda helped Luke in Star Wars!
JOEY: [Confused] What happened in Star Wars?
RACH: No, Joey , I meant that
JOEY: [interrupting] Im bored [excitedly] Wanna pump up some balloons for the party and then set them all on fire and see what happens?
[Rachel looks at him with an angry look] [Joey with a sheepish look] Or we could just pump them up! [Smiles to Rachel]
[Cut to Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are there drinking coffee.]
ROSS: So any dates for the evening tonight?
PHOE: I don't know I was thinking of inviting a guy I met recently but I'm not sure!
ROSS: Why not Phoebs?
PHOE: Well it's just that he recently got out of jail. You see he was arrested because he started hitting some people at a party. He claimed that he got crazy in there, what with all the people around him, so now he's fine! I just don't want to put him through that ordeal again!
ROSS: [He is looking a bit shocked and confused. Sarcastically] Yep. You should think about HIM, and what's best for HIM, so I agree with you! He shouldn't I repeat, shouldn't come to the party! The poor guy might lose it again, with all those people around him and especially US around him!
PHOE: Anyway don't you think we should do something tonight? We can't let Monica and Chandler ruin what they have!
ROSS: You know what Phoebs yesterday I would have said no but after hearing Monica's decision , I say yes! She's not handling the whole thing very well, is she? I mean they are both making the same mistake! It's like an "Ego contest" of who will break first!
PHOE: Yeah I know what you mean! But what can we do ?
[Suddenly the door opens and we see a woman's legs coming in Central Perk.[Not by themselves of course]The camera just shows her legs. We can't see her face. Phoebe and Ross look at each other in shock.]
ROSS: Phoebs are you thinking what I'm thinking ?
PHOE: Yep! [She nods her head] Yep no [Suddenly she stops , thinks for a while. Then with a smile.] Oh yeah definitely! yeah!
[Cut to Monica and Rachels. Rachel and Joey are there talking]
RACH: So Joey. Dont you think that we should do something to help the situation of Chandler and Monica?
JOEY: Yeah! Definitely! [Thinking] I know!!! Im gonna hit on Monica!
RACH: [In disbelief] How is that gonna help the situation?
JOEY: It will make Chandler jealous, and hell be forced to do something! [Under his breath] Plus it will be fun! [Smiling to himself]
RACH: [Not sure] I dont know
JOEY: [Realizing] Oh no!
JOEY: I forgot! I promised Chandler I wouldnt do it! Damn! [Smiling from ear to ear] But you can!
RACH: [Confused] I can what?
JOEY: [smiling suggestively] You know
RACH: [Not sure if she wants to hear this] What?
JOEY: [Smiling] You and Monica
RACH: [Disgusted] Oh Joey! I cant believe you!
JOEY: [Defensively] What? You already kissed her once!
RACH: Forget it! You know Sometimes you can be really annoying [Rachel stops, she thinks and then with a smile] I got it!
RACH: Oh I so got it! This is gonna be a blast!
JOEY: [Confused] Hey partner can you fill me in too?
RACH: Lets just say that Monica wont be too happy about this! [Smiling]
[Joey nods his head smiling too. Rachel turns and notices him smiling] What?
JOEY: [Beat] I dont know!
(Since this is the last part of my story and "More than words" has become something like the official song and since Ive noticed that few people actually know it, I thought Id just write down the lyrics for all those who would be interested! Its not too long, but anyone who doesnt want to read it, you can skip this part. Of course reading just the lyrics wont give you the romantic sensation that the song gives you, but I think that the lyrics are very sweet and meaningful! Enjoy
More than Words
Saying " I love you" , is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you not to say (it), but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words, is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me, cause Id already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel, that your love for me is real
What would you say, if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new, just by saying I love you
Now that Ive tried to, talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do, is close your eyes and just reach out your hand
And touch me hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me, cause Id already know
END OF COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Cut to Monica and Rachels. There are a lot of people there partying. Among them some familiar faces. We can see Carol, Susan, Ben, Gunther, Mr. Treeger and Doug, Chandlers boss. All the gang is there except for Monica. She is still in her room. Rachel and Ross are sitting on the couch cuddling and talking to Carol and Susan. Gunther is supposedly talking to Mr. Treeger, but is really eyeing Ross and Rachel, evilly. Joey is talking with Annette. Phoebe is doing a puzzle with Ben on the kitchen table and Chandler is talking to his boss. Chandler is obviously very depressed. Doug is telling a joke of some kind ]
DOUG: and then he turns to the policeman and says "Im sorry officer he didnt tell me he was 17! I honestly thought that he was a 20 year old hooker who just happened to talk like a lorry-driver. [Doug bursts into laughter. Chandler isnt paying attention to him and is staring aimlessly at Monicas door. Doug notices Chandler] Bing! [Chandler snaps out of it and starts work-laughing]
CHAN: [In between laughs] Oh my god! Lorry driver [His laughter dies out very quickly] Yeah Oh!
DOUG: Listen Bing! I have a gift! I can tell when people are depressed and vulnerable. [Remember anyone?] Its how I can take advantage of almost any situation! Anyway , and this may be a long shot, but Im getting the feeling that something is bothering you!
CHAN: [Faking amazement] Wow! How do you do that?
DOUG: [Dead serious] Are you mocking me?
CHAN: [At a loss for words] Uh I No no I mean
DOUG: [Starts laughing] Come on Bing! Dont be so easy! Im just trying to lift your spirit! I hate seeing my best men depressed and Ill be damned if I let even the rest, including you, be at this state!
CHAN: [A bit hurt by Dougs comment. Ironically] Gee. Thanks a million Doug!
DOUG: Dont even mention it Bing! Now tell me your woblem (problem). Ill fix it faster than the time you take to be done with your WENUS. [Smiling] Of course other weowle (people) have much greater stamina! [Starts laughing. Chandler just looks beaten]
[Cut to where Ross, Rachel, Carol and Susan are sitting.]
CAR: So how did you guys decide to get back together again?
ROSS: Well, we talked about what happened the last 3 years, and we admitted that we both made mistakes that shouldnt have been made. So I promised to try to stop being so obsessively jealous and controlling, [to Rachel smiling broadly] and of course my primitive instincts helped a little. Grr [Rachel giggles. Carol and Susan seem a bit uncomfortable]
RACH: And I promised to stop being so [thinking] well basically stop being such a bitch! [Carol and Susan laugh a bit] No Its true! I mean I loved Ross more than anything and yet I didnt treat him with the respect that would be appropriate [looking at Ross] for such a wonderful guy
ROSS: [Gives an embarrassed smile just like a school girl] Oh Rache
RACH: Anyway The point is that we love each other very much and it would have been a shame, if we had let stupid stuff like that, get in the way of our happiness. [She turns to Ross and smiles]
ROSS: My sweet wildcat! [Makes a growling noise] Grr [They start to kiss passionately]
SUS: [Uncomfortable] Well Carol I think that this is our queue. [They get up to leave]
RACH: [breaking away from the kiss] No, no guys sorry! We just get a bit carried away some times! [Carol and Susan are standing not sure whether to leave or stay]
ROSS: Yeah! Sorry guys! But its like we just started dating each other for the first time.
RACH: [To Ross smiling] Well I have certainly never dated THIS wild guy before! [Smiles cunningly to Ross]
ROSS: [With a mischievous look] Im a real savage arent I? [They start to kiss passionately again.]
CAR: Yeah Ok! [Carol and Susan leave them]
[Cut to Doug and Chandler]
DOUG: So Spill it Bing!
CHAN: Well Its just that , my girlfriend and I are on a break and Im not sure whether were going to get back together again!
DOUG: So Go find another one!
CHAN: Thats the thing Doug! I dont want another one!
DOUG: Wow! You really love this girl dont you?
CHAN: Im crazy about her!
DOUG: Well she must be really special! So who is she? Is she here? And why do you keep staring at that door [Points at Monicas door]
CHAN: Well its her door!
DOUG: Wow! So I am going to meet her!
CHAN: Yeah I dont know why its taken her so long though! She hasnt come out of her room yet!
[Just as Chandler finishes that sentence, Monicas door opens. She comes out of her room wearing a stunning black dress. To cut a long story short she has never looked so beautiful. Just then "Wonderful tonight" by Eric Clapton starts to play! Then we get successive shots of Doug, Mr. Treeger, Joey and lastly Chandler who all look at her dazed!]
DOUG: [Turning to Chandler] Ok Now, who is REALLY your girlfriend!
[Monica joins the party]
MON: Hi everybody! Sorry I took so long!
RACH: [Goes over to her] Monica What the hell have you been doing all this time??
MON: [innocently] What? I just wanted to look nice for [pause] for the New Year!
RACH: [Smiling suggestively] Oh Right Yeah, good!
[Mr. Treeger approaches Monica]
TREEG: Wow! Mrs. Monica , you look really great!
MON: [Smiling] Thanks.
TREEG: Would you like to dance with me?
MON: [uncomfortable] Well actually I dont trying to find an excuse] I feel sick!
TREEG: [Defensively] What! [Smelling himself] It cant be that bad! I just took a bath last week! [Mon seems disgusted and goes over to Ross. Treeger turns to Rachel. Smiling] I dont suppose youd like to dance either?
RACH: I actually I have chubby ankles and and Theyre weighing me down when I dance! [Goes to join Ross and Mon]
TREEG: [To himself] Oh What the hell. Ill just go ask Joey!
[Cut to Doug and Chandler. Chandler seems to be totally focused on Monica. His expression hasnt changed one bit!]
CHAN: Uh What!
DOUG: Do you mean to tell me that that gorgeous woman is your girlfriend?
DOUG: Bing! No offence But you couldnt get a woman like that in a million years!
CHAN: I know that. [sarcastically] Plus after a million years I would look pretty old! But what can I tell you Thats her!
DOUG: Bing! You are one lucky bastard!
CHAN: [Bitterly] I was!
DOUG: Oh Right! So Why did she tell you to take a break?
CHAN: Well actually I told her that! [Doug just stares at him seriously] What? What?
DOUG: [Seriously] Nothing Im just trying to figure out what sort of person you are a dumb-ass , a jack-ass or a horses ass! A mystery!
CHAN: A Big-ass mystery!
[Time lapse. Chandler and Phoebe are now talking. Doug has apparently left.]
PHOE: Why are you so head-strong? [dramatically] For the love of God man, talk to her!
CHAN: [Moving his head backwards, as if he got scared by Phoebe.] Phoebs relax! And keep your voice down!
PHOE: Sorry, it's just that this whole thing is driving me crazy! There's so much conflicting aura in here, that even Einstein wouldn't know how to deal with it!
CHAN: [confused] Why Einstein?
PHOE: [She seems to have been caught off guard by the question] Err Because Uh he was a very smart guy!
[Suddenly there's a knock on the door. Phoebe goes to open the door and when she does, in walks Janice?]
JAN: Hello everybody!! [She starts laughing]
[Everybody looks shocked, except from Ross and Phoebe, who are smiling. Chandler looks at her in utter horror! The exact same look is on Joey's face too!]
CHAN: Oh My Gawd!!!
[Joey goes quickly at Ross.]
JOEY: [ Whispering to Ross with a terrified/panicked look] It's It's Janice!!!
ROSS: [smiling] I know!
JOEY: [With a serious look] Are you high on sth? [Ross smiles to this and looks at Joey who is looking at him with an even more serious look] No seriously.
[There's a shot of Monica, looking shocked and worried at Janice.]
[Cut to the kitchen]
PHOE: Hey Janice! How are you?
JAN: Hi Phoebe! I'm fine! By the way, thanks for inviting me over tonight! [Upon hearing this Chandler does his double-take and looks at Phoebe.]
CHAN: WHAT? [Janice approaches him] I mean What are you doing here Janice?
JAN: I could ask you the same thing, Chandler Bing! [Starts laughing at the rhyme she made. Chandler has his annoyed look]
CHAN: Oh! You mean the whole Yemen story right? [Janice just nods her head and has a really ironic look on her face, as she's waiting for his answer. Chandler takes a very serious and professional look] Well you see the Yemen deal, didn't go quite as we planned, as [looks at Janice who is smiling ironically at him. It's obvious she's not buying this. Chandler is starting to lose his cool.] err didn't go as we planned , as [lowering his voice progressively] as most of the natives there don't speak any English [smiles innocently at Janice.]
JAN: Look Chandler Phoebe told me ok? You never really went to Yemen, did ya?
[Chandler looks angrily at Phoebe, who at the time was not paying attention. She then notices his look.]
PHOE: [genuinely curious] What? [Chandler just grits his teeth and widens his eyes! Phoebe realizes why he's glaring at her.] Oh! Oh! Ok so err I gotta yeah! [she gets up and heads for the living room without saying another word.]
[In the living room Monica has gone over to Annette and she is talking to her, while keeping an eye at Janice and Chandler. Ross, Rachel and Joey are sitting on the sofa and they're talking.]
JOEY: [To Ross with a look of disbelief.] What do you mean you invited her over?
ROSS: Look I met Phoebe at Central Perk and we were having our coffee, when she happened to pass by!
RACH: [Ironically] So you thought that since you have such a BLAST with her, especially your ears, you'd just invite her?
ROSS: No you guys It's just that we thought "we" being me and Phoebe [Rachel and Joey nod their head] anyway we thought that I mean I wasn't talking just about myself I don't refer to myself in plural or anything
JOEY: Ross! We got it!!!!
ROSS: Sorry I just don't want you thinking I'm a
RACH: [interrupting] Please honey!!!! WE GOT IT!
ROSS: Ok Anyway as I was saying we thought that we could give Chandler a little push!
JOEY: [a bit frustrated] OUT OF THE WINDOW???
RACH: [sarcastically] There are subtler and gentler ways of forcing a man to kill himself! This is just plain cruel!
ROSS: [beat] I meant give him a push as in trying to make Monica and Chandler talk to each other! I mean she'll be a little annoyed and jealous by her and he'll realize his alternatives if he ruins things with Monica! [Rachel and Joey look at him in amazement!]
RACH: We did the same thing!!!
ROSS: When did YOU invite Janice over?
JOEY: We didn't We invited Rachel's annoying cousin!
ROSS: [confused] He will hit on Chandler too?? [To Rachel] I didn't know you had an annoying gay cousin!!
RACH: He's not gay!! Dont you remember my cousin Rupert? [upon hearing the name Joey bursts into laughter. Rachel seems frustrated, like she's getting tired of this. Ross looks confused.] JOEY!! Get over it!! [To Ross] It's like the zillionth time today! I told him his name once and he won't shut up since! When I talked to my cousin on the phone I was actually referring to him as "cousin"! I was afraid of saying his name as Joey would surely die laughing! [They both turn and look at Joey who is still laughing]
ROSS: Joey! Joey! calm down. [Joey slowly starts to calm down] Good! Now breathe, breathe, [Joey finally calms down] breathe Rupert! [Joey bursts into laughter again and runs straight into Rachel's bedroom] Cool!
RACH: Anyway as I was saying Rupert [Ross starts a fake laugh. Rachel glares at him! Ross's fake laugh quickly dies out, and is replaced by Ross's classic sheepish look.] Rupert always had a crush on Monica! Back at college he became really annoying, to the point that Monica was forced to tell him that your family belonged to a cult that forbid her from having relationship with men, just to get him off her back!
ROSS: Oh So that's why dad and mom were shunned from the synagogue for 2 years!
RACH: Anyway we thought, we should invite Rupert [Joey, who had just gotten out of Rachel's bedroom, hears the name and bursts into laughter again! He runs back in Rachel's bedroom. Ross looks amused, Rachel raises her hands in an "I can't believe this" motion.] we thought we should invite Rupert and maybe give Monica & Chandler a little push ourselves! Now all that remains is for him to come! [Rachel does Joey's "I've got a fish hook in my eyebrow and I like it" (This is done by looking pleased with yourself while at the same time raising only one of your eyebrows. It's used when somebody has done sth really evil!)]
[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel are talking in the living room.]
MON: I mean look at her, [speaking about Janice] Why wont she just leave him alone? How long does it take her to process the fact that he doesnt want her?
RACH: Mon calm down! Its Janice! I mean Its Janice for Gods sake! We all know how she gets!
MON: Yeah! I know! I didnt have a problem with her at first, but now I realize that shes very annoying!
RACH: [Smiling] Yeah! I know!
MON: I mean You know what? She reminds me of of whats his name?
[Theres a knock on the door]
MON: [thinking] Ah Yes! Rupert!
[A guy comes in]
RUP: [Smiling] Did someone say my name?
[Monica turns and looks at him with a horrified look. Chandler also has that look (apparently he remembers him). Phoebe looks at him quizzically. Rachel is smiling. Joey puts his hand in his mouth to stop himself from laughing and runs into Monicas bedroom. ]
ROSS: Yeah! Rupert ! Now I remember him!
[Rupert approaches Monica and Rachel. Rupert is played by Randy Quaid.]
RUP: Hi beautiful ladies!
MON: [speechless] Uh Yeah same to you! [She considers what she said] anyway.
RACH: Hi Rupert! Hows Uncle David?
RUP: Ah You know the same Still spending most of his time in his precious toilet. He he!
PHOE: [Overhearing this] Did he eat Greek peppers too?
[Rupert and Rachel look at her confused]
MON: [To Phoebe] No honey Im sure that Rupert was exaggerating.
PHOE: Well anyway tell him not to try any! She goes to join Ross, Chandler and Janice in the kitchen.]
RUP: If I may say so Monica, you have never looked so beautiful. Youre even better than a triple-decker sandwich overflowing with ham cheese lettuce and mustard.
MON: [Disgusted] Thanks! [ironically] Thats so romantic Rupert!
RUP: Ha Thanks It runs in the family [He pats Rachel on the shoulder playfully , but apparently a little too hard. Rachel almost falls over, but is restrained at the last minute by Rupert] ... Wow! Watch it there little cousin! Youre getting a bit sloppy eh?
RACH: [annoyed-sarcastically] Yeah! Silly me!
[Cut to the kitchen. Chandler and Janice are talking alone! ]
JAN: Bing-a-ling , whatever you did I forgive you!
JAN: [Confused] What do you mean no?
CHAN: No you shouldnt forgive me! [With his overreacting style]Im a terrible person! Im a horrible, awful person! Even Hilary wouldnt forgive me! Im so horrible Mother Theresa would happily decapitate me , [under his breath] if she was alive! The point is that I dont deserve you!
JAN: Oh, My Bing-a-ling! Youre so sweet! I appreciate your concern for my well being, but I choose you!
CHAN: What about JOEY?
JAN: [Confused] What about Joey?
CHAN: I dont know There must be something about him!
JAN: [Really confused] What?
CHAN: Thats what I mean! Thats why you shouldnt forgive me!
JAN: What the hell are you talking about honey?
CHAN: [Panicking] Yeah! Leaving is an excellent idea! You do the right thing not forgiving me! Bye Janice! [Runs out to the hall]
[Joey finally comes out of Monicas bedroom.]
RACH: Anyway Rupert, you remember Ross and Chandler back from college right?
RUP: Yeah! Ross and his gay friend. [Monica smiles at the remark]
RACH: Well actually hes not gay but let me introduce you to my other friends Phoebe and Joey! [They go over to Phoebe] Rupert I want you to meet Phoebe!
RUP: [smiling] Oh the weird lady with the peppers.
PHOE: [angry by the comment] Oh the the bad guy
RUP: [confused] What? [Phoebe smiles at him in an "I got you" style]
RACH: [Uncomfortable] Ok Lets meet Joey! [They go over to Joey, but when theyre about to approach him, Rachel sees him smiling and realizes.] Uh On second thought lets not meet Joey! Hes a bad person! Lets meet Gunther!
RUP: No No Lets go meet Joey. He seems my kinda guy!
RACH: [Hesitantly] Oh Ok [She mouths to Joey "please"]
RUP: [Shaking Joeys hand] Nice to meet you Joey. [Joey just smiles] My name is Rupert! [Rachel closes her eyes hard , in anticipation of Joeys outburst, but it never comes. She opens her eyes again, and sees Joey still smiling to Rupert. He looks really stupid] Im Rachels cousin! Its nice to be meeting her friends. [Joey just nods and smiles] Anyway Ill go talk to Monica.
[Joey turns and starts to walk towards Annette. Rachel calls out to him confused]
RACH: Joey! [Joey ignores her] JOEY! [Joey is still ignoring her, so Rachel grabs him and turns him around so that he is facing her. Angrily] JOEY! What the hell was that about?
JOEY: [Removes a small piece of cotton from his ear] What?
[Rachel just looks at him with an "I cant believe it" look]
[Cut to Rupert and Monica.]
RUP: So Monica. Your family still in the cult?
MON: [Offended] What? Our religion is not a cult!
RUP: Sorry! Sorry. But do they still forbid you from having relationship with men?
MON: [Finally realizing what he means] Oh The cult yeah! Yeah! They are very strict in this matter! To naughty girls they even give chastity belts!
RUP: [Interested] You dont say! And what about you? [Smiling suggestively] Are you a naughty girl? Cause if youre not maybe we could you know turn you into one! [Smiles]
MON: No, I was really naughty! And now I cant even take a bath properly because of the rust! [She leaves outside the apartment!
[Cut to the hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Janice are there. From behind Chandler Monica exists the apartment and goes up from the stairs, without him or Janice noticing.]
JAN: [Really frustrated.] Listen Chandler Bing I'm sick and tired of this! This is your last chance with me! I'll say this once
IF YOU BLOW THIS ONE, YOU'LL LOSE YOUR ONE CHANCE OF GROWING OLD WITH THE PERSON YOU KNOW, YOU LOVE THE MOST! AND WHEN YOU FINALLY REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE, IT WILL BE TOO LATE, BECAUSE THE SHIP WILL HAVE ALREADY LEFT AND YOU'LL BE STANDING ON THE PEER, MISERABLE WATCHING IT SAIL AWAY! SO WAKE UP!!!!!!!!
CHAN: [He looks shocked, like he just realized something] OH MY GOD!!!!!
JAN: I knew you'd finally come to your senses baby.
CHAN: Yeah, whatever. [He runs inside the girls' apartment, leaving Janice confused. He is frantically looking for Monica.] Monica! Monica! [We hear "Only wanna be with you" by Hootie and the Blowfish in the background]
RACH: She's gone up to the roof!
CHAN: Thanks! [Runs outside to the hall. Rachel starts smiling dreamily.]
[Cut to the hall. Janice sees Chandler coming out.]
JAN: Oh my God! [relieved]. For a minute there I thought you [Chandler doesn't really seem to notice her and runs up the stairs.] [put down] left me. [Shouting] CHANDLER BING get your ass back here! [Chandler slowly comes down the stairs, again] Good, now explain to me what's going on
CHAN: Look Janice! I'm sorry that it has to end this way, but there's no other way. This on again and off again between us, has to stop right here right now.
JAN: What do you mean?
CHAN: I mean that I won't be wanting a date from now on, till the day I die!
JAN: [Shocked] You turned gay?
CHAN: [Confused] What? No No Of course not! I I just found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with!
JAN: [A bit hurt] Oh
CHAN: Listen [softly] You will always hold a special part of my heart, Janice.
JAN: [With tears ,smiling] Yeah, right!
CHAN: No really. You were a big part of my life and we had some good times together! It's just that this time I really think that I have found my soul-mate. And I'd hate myself forever if I did anything to drive her away. The funny thing is that I owe it to you. What you said to me earlier made me realize the folly of what I was doing.
JAN: [Confused] What do you mean?
CHAN: Well Let's just say that it helped me put together some pieces of a puzzle, that my dreams created. But anyway thanks for everything Janice!
JAN: [Trying hard to smile] You're welcome Chandler Bing.
[They hug for a while and then Chandler breaks away.]
CHAN: Now Janice Im gonna need one last favor from you!
[Cut to the roof. Chandler comes out silently. He sees Monica, staring at the city alone.]
CHAN: Hey you!
MON: [Startled] Oh my god! Its you. You scared the crap outta me[Hits him playfully on the arm]
CHAN: So Why are you up here alone?
MON: "To think" would be my official answer, to get away from Rupert is the real reason!
CHAN: [Smiling] The guy is that annoying eh?
MON: You wouldn't believe. [There's an uncomfortable pause] so what are you doing up here?
CHAN: I just wanted to gaze at the stars. They're supposed to be beautiful at this time of night!
MON: What do you mean supposed ? Can't you see them?
CHAN: Actually the only stars I see in this dark night , are your eyes!
MON: Oh [She's a little taken aback by Chandler's remark]
CHAN: [With a smile] I'm a really smooth talker aren't I ?
MON: [Smiles to that] I was a bit surprised myself!
CHAN: [serious] Monica listen Forget about what I said the other day. I love you so much that Now listen this may sound unbelievably selfish, but I can't let you go! I just can't! At least not without a fight!
MON: Chandler I
CHAN: [interrupting] Please Mon, don't get me wrong. I still want the best for you and if you think that it is Richard, then I'll try to accept it! But we're too good together! We connect like no one else I know! Monica you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
MON: Chandler I don't know
CHAN: [softly] Please Mon! Let me finish this. Yesterday, I saw a dream that made me look things a bit differently. I dreamt that I was older and that I had a wife and children and a beautiful house. Everything was perfect. The only thing that was wrong, was that I couldn't see the face of my wife. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't see it! So I tried to imagine that she had a face. Suddenly a very beautiful face appeared. Everything now should have been perfect, yet still I was miserable. I thought that maybe I didn't like my wife. So I concentrated really hard and an even more beautiful face appeared. Well actually at this point I think that Yasmine Bleeth was my wife [ Monica smiles to that] Anyway everything again should have been perfect, yet I was still miserable!
MON: So how did the dream end?
CHAN: Well the dream ended, when an alien named Rodney came down and took me on his space ship. [thinking] although I don't think that, that had anything to do with the rest of the dream. [Monica laughs] I know I mean What kind of alien is named Rodney??? Of course I didnt tell him that! I didnt want to hurt his feelings!
MON: [Smiling] That was very thoughtful of you!
CHAN: [Seriously] Forget about Rodney Anyway, I later realized that what the dream meant was so simple and clear. Monica no matter who my wife was, or how perfect everything was, none of that really mattered cause you were not there with me! [Monica seems to be tearing up] And I really don't think I want all that, if you're not going to be there, to share it with me. I feel you as a part of myself! Whenever you're not with me I feel incomplete. And I wouldn't want to spend another day without you. So [He takes out a ring, drops to his knees ] Monica Geller will you do me the honor of becoming my wife. [We see that Monica is in tears. ]
MON: Chandler I I don't think I can! [Chandler looks down, tears come to his eyes] At least not yet. [Chandler looks at Monica with tears in his eyes. A smile of hope appears in his face.] But I really want to be your girlfriend again if you'll take me. [She smiles to him]
CHAN: [Stands up smiling] It's not exactly the answer I was hoping for but you can't imagine how good it feels to hear you say that.
MON: Look I just don't think we're quite there yet! But who knows you can always ask me again tomorrow. [She smiles to him]
CHAN: Be careful of what you wish for Well at least Janice will have her ring back a bit faster. [He smiles]
MON: [Hugging him] You took Janice's ring??
CHAN: Well I couldn't think of a better way at the last minute You see, she was the one who made me see things more clearly. [He brushes her hair away from her face.] Oh God How I missed this face
MON: [Thinking] Do you realize that it's almost midnight? [realises Oh my God! The new year is upon us! [Tries to break away]
CHAN: [Pulls her back in his arms. With a smile] Do you realize I haven't kissed these lips for two whole days. [Monica smiles. Suddenly Fireworks start shooting towards the sky. Cheering is heard everywhere.] So I guess the New Year found us on the roof
MON: Chandler Bing shut up and kiss me [She grabs him and they start to kiss passionately. "More than words" starts playing.]
MON: [Breaking away from the kiss.] I don't know if I told you this but [She looks deep into his eyes] I really lo [Chandler puts his finger gently on her lips]
CHAN: Sh ! You don't have to say it! [He smiles] You showed me! I already know! [She smiles back at him]
MON: [realising] We almost forgot Happy new year!
CHAN: [smiling] Happy new year my love! [She smiles, grabs him and kisses him passionately. Suddenly we notice that near the roof door are Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey and Annette. They're looking at them, lovingly.]
[The camera stays fixed on Chandler and Monica who are still kissing. "More than words" is still playing, the camera starts to move away and fades to black along with the song]
Now wouldn't it be great if all stories, especially the real life ones, ended like this ? <sigh!>