The One With The Most Interesting Job


Written By: Tanzeel Abdullah

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros.  Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Introduction: This takes place in the eight season after the one with Monica’s boots. The character danny is from the fifth season and if you don’t know him, please read The One With the Inappropriate Sister before reading this fan fic. Please email me with comments, criticisms etc...


Scene#1: (Joey and Rachel’s apartment. Chandler enters.)

Chandler: hey Joe! Joey! Joey ain’t home this early? Since when did miracles start to happen?

Joey: I am here in my room.

Chandler: alone?

Joey: why else would my door be open.

Chandler: it’s not.

Joey: oh. Yeah, I am alone.

(Chandler enters Joey’s room.)

Chandler: hey, what are you doing in your bed!

Joey: I am very depressed. You know, while I was doing it with this really really hot chick I met at the coffeehouse. Oh man, was she hot. She was as hot as...

Chandler: I know that can’t get anyone depressed so skip it and go to the depressing part.

Joey: In the morning, she just left without saying bye. All she did is left a stupid note. Do I look like I am in a mood to do something as boring as reading?

Chandler: let me see the note.

Joey: it’s over there. Anyway, I just realized that women just like my great body. They don’t want me the way Monica wants you. I am never going to get married. All of them are just gonna run away like Vivian. Wow, was she hot?

Chandler: she did write here that she tried to wake you up but you were sleeping and she didn’t want to be late for her job...

Joey: excuses, excuses, excuses. I am hopeless. Did she leave her number?

Chandler: yes!

Joey: what? What am I doing wasting time with you?  

OPENING CREDITS

Scene#2 (The coffee house. Monica and Phoebe is there.)

Phoebe: so what do you think about chandler now?

Monica: he is okay.

Phoebe: sexy?

Monica: Umm, I will still stay with okay. What are you getting at.

Phoebe: I am just trying to complete this form “ married women’s choice of attractive men.” Last year’s winner was Bill gates.

Monica: Oh my god!!! Oh my god! Oh my Antonio Banderas!! If I knew this was gonna happen I would never have gotten married.

Phoebe: I should tell you the poll was taken only by Microsoft official’s wives.

Monica: Oh. Hope Chandler’s boss is good looking.

Ross enters,

Ross: Hey Mon. Hey Pheebs. You wouldn’t believe what happened at work today.

Phoebe: Oh no not another dinosaur story.

Ross: Pheebs, I don’t work in the museum any more.

Phoebe: You don’t. aAw, no more dinosaur stories.(sadly) Wow, No more dinosaur stories (exuberantly)  

Ross: So anyway, I was sitting in my library and an eagle came and landed in the window.

(Monica and phoebe stares at him with curious look.)

Monica: Yeah, and then?

Ross: That’s it. It was huge!! I mean, eagle in New York! How often does that happen?

Phoebe: Yeah, i know. Once I was picked up by a one eyed eagle while I was staying in the streets.

Monica: Now, that’s exciting, Ross even if it’s not real. ( Phoebe stares at her ) maybe it was. Anyway, Your story was plain boring. Thank God Chandler wasn’t here. Ross, how do you end up with such boring jobs?

Ross: Hey, my job isn’t boring! How many times have you seen an eagle in your window?

Monica: Never, cause our jobs aren’t boring. My job is probably the most interesting one anyone has.

Phoebe: No way, uh-uh! Mine is most interesting.

Monica: what’s so interesting about massaging naked guys. ( she starts imagining it. She suddenly realizes what she is doing) most of them aren’t even pretty.

Phoebe: It’s better than cooking.

Monica: At least i get to meet cute waiters and only the good looking guys come to eat at my restaurant.

Phoebe: You must get a really great view through the invisible kitchen door of yours.

Ross: If good looking guys is what makes a job interesting, my college is filled with handsome 20 year old college hunks.

(Monica and phoebe stares at Ross.)

Ross: Hey, i am just telling the truth. I guess i win.

Monica: No way. Handsome guys don’t make a job interesting.

Phoebe: What are you talking about?

Monica: Come on, he is gonna win then. Okay, let’s say we record each of our day tomorrow and let’s see who has the most interesting job.

Phoebe: Deal.

Ross: Deal !!! you know it’s being unfair to me, what are the chances of me having two interesting days in a row.

(Monica takes shelter in Phoebe’s lap. Rachel enters.)

Rachel: Guys, i just had the most interesting day!

Monica: Oh no!

Phoebe: Does it include an eagle?

Rachel: No!!!

Monica: Pray tell.

Rachel: I was going into our apartment and I bumped into Danny.

Ross: The Danny with the weird sister.

Rachel: Yeah! He was very excited to see me!!! He was insinuating me to go out with him again.

Monica: He was. What did he do?

Rachel: He said hi Rachel.

(Monica stares at Ross.)

Phoebe: Are you sure he didn’t say Die Rachel.

(Rachel thinks about it a little.)

Rachel: No, i am pretty sure. So, I am thinking about giving him one more chance.

(Chandler and Joey enters.)

Ross: Hey guys, Rachel’s thinking about giving Danny another chance.

Joey: really, what about the baby? Is he going to be okay with it?

Rachel: It can be sort of a barter. I will tolerate his sister, if he can tolerate my baby.

Chandler: Sounds fair. The baby can suck milk off your breast and his sister can suck food off his crotch. ( this isn’t as sick as it sounds. If you are a regular Friends viewer you will know what this means. If you are not, please read “ The One With the Inappropriate Sister”)

Scene#3: Monica and Chandler’s apartment. Monica is at the living room talking on the phone. Joey is at the dining table.

Monica: (screaming): you better bring that lizard of yours to job or else... why? Why you ask! Let’s just say i want to make our lives a little more interesting.

Chandler gets out of the bathroom and goes over to Joey.

Chandler: Hey Joe, what’s wrong!

Joey: Vivian dumped me! She just wanted some one night stand with me. I am just not relationship material.

Chandler: Come on, that’s not true.

Joey: Her exact words were "I just wanted a one night stand with you, you are not relationship material."

Chandler: Okay, it was true for her. But there are so many others. Somebody’s gotta be made for you. Wow, I am really good at this.

Joey stares at his sandwich, really depressed.

Chandler: Come on. Look at me, if I can find someone, anybody can.

Joey: You were just lucky. Rachel’s already with Ross and i have to wait till i become forty to hit it off with Pheebs.

Chandler: Okay, Mr. answer for everything. This is my last try. ( he stares around and says very silently) You know, marriage isn’t that great.

Joey: what?

(Chandler stares around again for Monica.)

Chandler:  Marriage it’s just a lot of hard work. It’s no fun. Do you know hard it is to get Monica to have sex? You have to make all sorts of excuses and you have to think about everything and you have no liberty to go from girls to girls... well, i never could anyway but still...

Joey: Wow, that does make me feel better. Thanks man.

Rachel enters,

Rachel: Hey guys, guess what? Danny just asked me out to dinner.

Monica: Great, we are going out too. hey sweetie, we have to catch that movie now.

Chandler: Coming, honey.

Joey: (to Chandler as he is getting up): Best of luck, man.

Scene#4: Central perk. Monica, is sitting there along with Rachel.

Rachel: So i went out with Danny? And it was the best date ever. That bitch is getting married and will be moving to the other part of the country.

Monica: Wow, that’s great. But what about the trade off?

Rachel: not necessary. I told him about the baby and he is more than fine with him. He was really interested to know about the baby and sounded like he is willing to take responsibility.

Monica: Wow, that’s so great.

Rachel: i know, that bitch is going to live four thousand miles away.

Monica: Yeah, and that, too.

Rachel: Bet she won’t be able to wash my Danny with soap anymore and feed her food with her...

Monica: Rach, I think I get the point.

(Chandler enters.)

Chandler: Hey, honey! Hi, Monica!

(Monica stares at him angrily.)

Chandler (very afraid): Please laugh. That was supposed to be funny.

(Joey comes in from the counter with a cup of coffee. He pats Chandler on the back.)

Joey: So was yesterday the lucky day?

Monica: lucky day!! Why was yesterday supposed to be a lucky day.

Chandler (stuttering): because ...

Joey: because he might have gotten something he has been desiring for a long long time. ( stares at chandler, very impressed with the line)

Monica: Desiring for a long long time? You haven’t ordered that 5 feet tall robot doll have you?

(Everybody stares at chandler.)

Chandler: Hey, Rach has her teddy bears. Mon has her dollhouse, Joey has his hugsy. Hey, you all have everything except me. Mon, I want my robot (he almost goes into a tantrum)

(Just then Phoebe enters.)

Monica: Oh. There you are. I have been waiting for you.

Phoebe: Really, why, why?? This is so exciting. ( she starts jumping with excitement)

Monica: Because of that contest yesterday.

Phoebe: Oh that. Well, I had the most interesting day.

Monica: Me too.

Phoebe: You go first.

Monica: No, you!

Phoebe: Okay. I was at work, and one of my clients got a heart attack and we had to rush him to the hospital and he miraculously survived.

(Monica is stunned.)

Phoebe: So what happened at yours.

Monica (in a very shameful manner): It was pretty exciting. A lizard got loose in our kitchen.

Phoebe: Damn. I guess, you win.

Monica: I do?

Phoebe: Yeah, that was far exciting than mine. But you still have to top Ross.

(Monica and Phoebe stare at each other.)

Phoebe: Okay, you win.

Scene# 6. Corridor. Rachel and Danny are walking towards Danny’s apartment. 

Danny: So then I said...

Rachel: Yeah, whatever so where is your sister now?

Danny: She is in San Francisco with her fiancÚ. Anyway, then i said...

Rachel: So you won’t get to see her much will you?

Danny: I don’t think so. So anyway...

Rachel: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s a very interesting story. But let’s talk about something more interesting. So you won’t be seeing her anytime except holidays?

Danny: Yeah. I am gonna miss her.

Rachel (smirking): Yeah, me too.

Danny: So you wanna come in.

Rachel: Yeah, sure!

Danny (opening the door): Oh by the way i forgot to tell you Rach, my aunt is visiting.

(Rachel is shocked.)

Scene# 7 Monica and chandler’s apartment. Phoebe is in the table, Monica is washing the dishes.

Monica (dancing with joy): I can’t believe I won. I can’t believe i won.

Phoebe: I am so happy for you!! ( goes and hugs her.)

(Ross enters.)

Ross: There you are. I can’t wait to tell you guys my day.

Monica: What happened this time, you found a quarter.

Phoebe: Or what, a helicopter flew over your college ground.

Ross: A girl flashed in front of everyone in my class.

Monica: What?

Phoebe: wow!!! ( phoebe goes over to Monica and hugs her)

Monica: Pheebs, what are you doing?

Phoebe: I am taking my award hug back, you looooser. Here’s your prize, Ross. ( goes and hugs Ross)

Ross: Yeaaay!!

Monica: Nooooooooo!!

Scene#8 Joey and Rachel’s apartment. Joey is by the kitchen. Chandler enters,

Chandler: Hey, Joey. How’s it going?

Joey: Great, man. So Ii have been thinking about..

Chandler: Tut, tut! Let me see if I heard this right, you said you have been thinking...

Joey: Very funny. I have been thinking about you and Monica and Ii came up with some great ways to get her to have sex. You could blackmail her with the baby thing, or with a divorce...

Chandler: Okay, Joey stop blowing your brains out. I have no problems with Monica, okay. I lied only to make you feel better, okay. I love Monica. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t care if she wants to have sex or not. I would care as much even if she became disfigured or paralyzed because i love her...

(Cut to the outside. Monica is about to enter her apartment from someplace when she overhears chandler’s monologue. She enters Joey’s apartment.)

Chandler: and I will love her even if... Monica.

(Monica stares at chandler with love filled eyes.)

Monica: You are gonna get so well rewarded for this.

(Monica leaves. Chandler stays there, with a smile in his face.)

Joey: Great move, man. You are one smart operator.

Chandler: Joey, I didn’t make that up. Didn’t you hear what I just...

Monica (from outside the door, very sweetly): Chandler!!!

Chandler: Oh, who cares. Yeah, Joey! Today’s going to be my lucky day!!!

(He runs outside with glee.)

CLOSING CREDITS

Danny’s apartment. Danny is introducing Rachel to his aunt.

Danny: hi, Rach. This is my Aunt Jane. Aunt, this is Rachel.

Aunt Jane: hi Rachel. (comes close to Danny and starts caressing his butt and says seductively) so how was the date, Danny?

(Rachel stares at them with utter amazement.)

Rachel: okay, I gotta go!

Aunt Jane: what’s wrong with her?

Danny: nothing. It’s just that she is really weird. This is the last time I am dating her.                                       

THE END